MICHAEL A. COHEN

 A View Outside at Fenway Park                                                      A Peaceful Day at the Office

 

                 

Associate Professor of Computer Science

 PhD, Psychology, Harvard University 
  Interests: Investment, Actuarial Sciences, Ordinary Differential Equations
 

Highlights of Modern Science

Internet Art

I am proud to present to you here some highlights of modern science. These new advances renew our faith in the rapid progress of human endeavor. These topics are:

Topics

  1. The Zero Energy Revolution>
  2. The Bell Curve
  3. Conscious Explained
  4. Therapy for Alien Abductions
  5. The Nature of Reality Explained
  6. Complementarity
  7. The NSA's quest for total information on everything

 

  • 1. The Zero Energy Revolution
  • Who says that perpetual energy is passe. Modern theorists of high energy physics prove conclusively that 20th Century Man has acquired the ability to get something from nothing.  Specifically, power is to be acquired from the ether, the vacuum.  See how the revolutionary work of the Zpower company is making fuel-free, polution free energy possible, realizing the theories of well known scientists.

     

    Its wonderful that modern psychology has progressed so far that it can easily quantify all of intellectual ability on a linear scale. Simply give the appropriate psychological test and all problems of personal selection will be solved

     
    Stuart Hameroff and Roger Penrose have finally pinned down the nature of consciousness. Its a emergent property of Quantum Gravity working on microtubules in the brain. For the latest description see this link. For an alternate view see consciousness explained.

     
    Because of the professionalism and specialization of the medical profession many illnesses and aliments are now possible to treat which hithertofore were intractable. Noted Pulitzer Prize Winner John Mack a well known psychiatrist at Harvard University now routinely treats and helps to cure victims of alien abductions. John is featured at the MIT Press Bookstore Noteworthy is Mack's ability to cure mental illness caused by alien sexual abuse. Its fortunate we can now cure hiterto intractible mental illness

     
    Major NYU Physics Professor shows the modern work in theoretical Physics undermines the existence of reality itself.  Professor Alan Sokal in a pathbreaking article shows have physical reality itself is a bourgeoise construct.  Learn how anti-feminists, capitalists, financiers have themselves created physical reality.  Also learn about sexism in contemporary treatments of fluid mechanics.

     
    Following Sokal in his major pathbreaking work proving that reality is a bourgeoise construct manufactured by class interest, Thomas McFarlane shows how Jungean Depth Psychology, free will, the wave--particle nature of matter can be all reconciled using principles originally used in quantum physics.

     

    When terrorist guns are blazing, the NSA sure is glad
    When their bombs are bursting, they loot the treasury like mad
    When terrorist guns are silenced, the NSA is no longer gay
    As when terrorism is abolished, they can't steal your wealth away

    (NSA Theme Song Sung to the Chorus of when Irish Eyes are Smiling)

     

    Opportunities exist at the high school, graduate, and undergraduate levels. It used to be that human knowledge was thought to be bounded and incomplete. It was thought that humans were limited and only GOD knows all. However, due to modern advances in information transmission and cryptography this is now entirely passe. As an employee of the NSA after thorough security clearance and 6 months of study you wll know almost EVERYTHING. There will is less limit to your knowledge concerning humans than anywhere else in the world.

    The information from the new 5 zettabytes (5 billion terrabyte) will be immediately transferred to your brain. You will have recorded every conversation, every state of dress and undress every act birth, death, sex you name it imprinted on your brain occuring in the last 30 years so you can adequately serve the NSA master Keith Alexander. While human cryptography and codes are passe and have been cracked by the NSA, you will be tapping the sex lives of the intelligent Reptiles on Alpha Centuri and the frogs in the Orion Nebula. While knowledge is boundless, and human cryptography is obsolete, you will be obliged to allow terrorist events indeed plan new ones given their almost total non-existence in the U.S. Having the knowledge hitherto reserved to GOD you will have to work in mysterious ways. Beside without terrorist events the NSA will not be able to fund the angels (read contractors) and lead disciples at the NSA at the tune of 1.2 trillion dollars a year.

    This is top secret information so I may be subject to elimination by the NSA Q Group. What more does the NSA need to know? Like God we may be omnisicent in that we have access to ALL information but unlike God our processing is still primitive. All we can do is flag by keywords and metadata which still leaves out a lot of information. However, how more effective would ad campaigns be and how more able would the state be able to crush dissent in the bud if detailed sophisticated content analysis was possible. Our smears could go back into childhood not get easy prey, like Eliot Spitzer, Gary Hart, David Patreus. We would have stopped Bill Clinton as a childhood politician. We hire interns because the job is demanding and like all modern American Businessmen we feel that worthwhile original work should be its own reward. The successful intern will be able to analyze in real time the content of a message by computer from text and see if its relevant to dissent, increasing competition for American monopolies or ruining a poltical career. Presumably, with are modest resources available to us mentioned above we will able to improve our processing. We hope you will take part in this exciting endeavor: making political smearing, blackmail, and crushing dissent a truly scientific enterprise.

    As an intern at the NSA you will participate in seminars on trenchant current topics. Our recent seminars include.

    1. Effective ways to destroy political careers through illicit sex: the timely dissemination of data
    2. Targeting potential and furture activists by nurturing addiction.
    3. Mining the NSA Database for election and commerical marketing efforts
    4. Increasing divorce settlements through data mining and modification.
    5. Methods of thought control III
                --the successful control of Congressional and Media Opinion
    6. Methods of augmenting Funding through Increased Anxiety and Fear -- terrorism scares as a media tool

     

    But these are only a few virtues of NSA practise. The NSA enables the President to hear you when you want to be heard, the NSA helps conquer loneliness, it even allows you to fulfill erotic fantasies. We are holding a contest for the best song 1, 2. Here is my own humble submission: words, tune.


    Links to Major Art on The Internet

    These are some of the storehouse of old treasures which are on the internet
      1. The Web Art Museum
      2. This is a virtual art gallery spanning 5 to 10 centuries.
        Beautiful Free Downloadable art from Artists such as Breugel
        Rembrandt, Picasso, Van Gogh ....
      3. World Arts Resources
      4. This is a list of virtually all the Artwork on the Internet
        grouped by Artists and Categories both classical and modern.
        Artworks can be selected by Category as well as by Artists.
        A must site. One does better on the Web in many ways
        than a visit to the local Art Gallery
      5. Treasures of the Vatican
      6. If you can get through the tremendous number of doctrinal statements
        of the Catholic Church you will see treatures housed in Vatican Museums
        which are unavailable elsewhere. Paintings of Michelangelo,
        Raphael, the Pieta. A must site for Art lovers.


     

    E-mail Address: (mike@cns.bu.edu).

    I appreciate your mail and suggestions.